SHUT UP, DAD-BOAT, YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!

Because I am sick, and therefor cannot go outside and have adventures, I have decided to write about my roommates. This topic only recently occurred to me because I just mentioned it (if that makes any sense).

I'm starting with Hamburglar. I'll work my way through Katana and ZombieSlayer. If I'm still bored/sick after that, I'll write about BeccaTwoC. And if I'm still sick after that, I'll force ZenTea to tell me his life's story so I can write about that. And if I'm still sick after that, I'll write about myself. But I have a very nice immune system when I'm not sick, and hopefully I'll recover before being driven to that last topic.

(Yeah, because I never talk about myself here. Ever.)

So. Hamburglar.

Hamburglar is kind of a contradiction unto herself.

She hordes comic books

She can quote anime

She plays video games obsessively until she is BOSS at them

She cosplays

She makes her own cosplay costumes

She has at least a small knowledge of every video game in the world

She works at GameStop (and is a girl)

She has two laptops that she runs simultaneously so it's like she has her own LAN party

She has, like, a 7.9 GPA

Now, all of these traits bring to mind mushroom-like gremlins that grow in their mother's basements. They are generally albino freaks, gather in darkened rooms to protect them from the harshness of the sun and the corrosive effects of oxygen. AND YET:

She's a theater major

She is tan

She has this wild curly red hair that goes out to THERE most days

She has friends

She goes outside

She actually has, like, a lot of friends. She always knows someone who knows someone.

She bakes

(She's actually making a chocolate-and-strawberry two-layer cake right now for Katana, who was gypped on her birthday)

She wants a Porsche Boxster (2003)

I met Hamburglar through Katana, because Katana would like all of her friends to be friends. She's... weird like that. I spoke to Hamburglar in a chat room for all of two minutes before I went “Yeah, peace” and signed off. A year later, I was crashing on her couch for Kawaii Kon 2010. A month after that, I moved in. And now we actually hang out one-on-one. (And by “hang out” I mean, we sit around waiting for Katana to get off work so we can do interesting things. Katana is where the party's AT. I—What? Oh. It's still about Hamburglar? Right. Okay. SHUT UP, I'M SICK.)

Summary: Hamburglar is the geek's wet dream because she is a hot girl who plays video games (like a BOSS), and actually ends sentences with “like a BOSS”.

Oh, and she cosplays Link, or something?

P.S. Now she's baking in cosplay. I don't know what to do with this.