Dangers of the Ala Wai

THERE ARE FISH IN THE ALA WAI.

[/end hysteria]

Our apartment is on Ala Wai Boulevard, directly across from the, you guessed it, Ala Wai canal. The Ala Wai is roughly sixty feet wide and feeds right into the ocean—even though I can't really see where it opens into the ocean. Some day. Some day.

Every day there are kayaks, row teams (different from kayaks in that there are about six-eight people on board and it's balanced by this thing on one side) and the occasional lazy motorboat. People seem to like the Ala Wai canal.



Here's a few facts about the Ala Wai, for those who are unaware:
1)It is pollution central. Disgustingly so. I don't walk by it because I fear I'll fall in and turn into the Joker... and while that would be cool, I know from past Halloween experiences that I can't pull off green hair.
2)Animals won't drink from it. That should tell you something.
3)The water is NEVER clear. It's always brown, or a weird green-brown that looks like something not-quite-nice.
4)Jellyfish go through it every once and a while. But jellyfish are immune to everything but urine... which is really a cause for concern in the Ala Wai. It didn't get that color from dirt.

Why would anyone, ANYONE, want to be around this water? I am literally at a loss. I have no idea. That aside, why would FISH want to be in this water? Five more minutes and those fish will become BIONIC MUTANTS, taking over Hawaii and overturning it in fire, water and Japanese people.

I'm not even kidding.

Twenty years from now, I can go back, edit this and add “True story.”