If I were less “concernicus”, as Katana puts it, I strongly suspect that I would be in the cargo hold of some middle-class boat, waiting to be dumped in the ocean.
Yesterday I got a call from Someone about a dishwasher job I applied for on Craig's List. The name of the restaurant was not listed, but he told me to come in today at four to fill in an application. I said alright. He... spoke Hawaiian Accent at me, giving me directions. I say alright, because I don't want to say flat-out “I don't understand you! WHAT ARE YOU?!” I ask him, instead, to e-mail me the directions so I can have a typed up, non-typoed guide. He agrees and hangs up.
He never e-mailed me the directions. I check the ad and it is sort of in Ala Moana. I know where that is but I need exact directions. I waited until three today to call him, and another guy answers (also speaks Hawaiian Accent). Sometwo gives me... similar directions. I guess. I don't understand him, either. I set out in a rush, snap at Katana because I hate everyone and everything. It is now 3:48.
I set out (walking) toward Ala Moana boulevard. I get around there, call him and am informed that I am very far away. He gives me directions, but I am walking along a very busy street, there are people all along, and he is speaking Hawaiian Accent. (For those of you who are not in Hawaii, and have not actually heard a Hawaiian Accent for an extended period of time, it's very difficult to understand, especially over the phone. I'm sorry, but it's true. For me, at least. Especially over the phone.) I ask for the restaurant name, and he doesn't give it. He tells me that after I find Neverland by way of Robin Hood's barn, I will see a blue and grey building. This is the building. He will tell “Dana” that I am coming. He is not there, but “Dana” will let me in.
We repeat this conversation three times. It is now 4:08 and I am not amused. I hate being late. He directs me, sort of, toward the docks. I have gathered that the place is near the Hawaii Yacht Club. Okay. Sure. I like (looking at) boats. I happen to look down at the water, and I see fish. Yay.
But I still can't find the place. And he's still not giving me the restaurant name.
At this point, self-preservation sets in, and my brain goes wild (Sort of. I still maintain that I was in danger). I get suspicious about why he won't give me the restaurant name. I call Katana and tell her that I think he is being secretive on purpose to lure me in, kill me and commit crimes on my body. She said that if I am scared I should come home, so we can investigate the exact location and I can apply. I walk home (4:28) because Katana is going to work and Hamburglar is going with her and I don't have keys to the apartment and I also want a zen tea to soothe my hurt feelings.
I decide to pick up applications at Kahala mall because it's near Katana, Hamburglar and ZombieSlayer. They all work there. Couldn't be better, right? I had a list of hiring stores in my notebook that I got off the website. The website should be correct and current.
THAT IS BULLSHIT. All but one store turned me away, saying they weren't hiring. I put in an application at the exception, and then went into Champ's with the intention of applying. This was a mistake. I got in an argument with an employee about Kobe Bryant. Because he didn't like Kobe Bryant. (Who doesn't like Kobe Bryant? I ASK YOU. No, actually I don't. I don't want to know who doesn't like him. Because I don't want to know which of my friends are psychotic.) I'll go back and apply tomorrow. Hopefully he won't be there. It was all in good fun but I hope he's not there.
Oh, and a homeless man was going to attack me with his Converse if I went near him. I couldn't make this up if I wanted. I wish I did make it up.
No comments:
Post a Comment