Yesterday was Hamburglar's 22nd birthday. So of course a great fuss had to be made. Katana likes fussing about birthdays (a fact that fills me with dread, considering I am next). Since it was going to be a very eventful day and I wanted to remember everything about it, I recorded the minutes in my phone. If you want to get a drink or take a leak, now would be the time to do it because this is a Very Long Entry.
11:45: On the bus.
11:50: Tourists. Hiss.
11:52: Tourist (male) with a purse. Not a hacky sack. A PURSE.
12:02: Coffee Bean And Tea Leaf is MY GOD. Feel bad about cheating on Narbes, though.
12:15: *counts pennies into rolls* Katana is a cheap bitch who won't go to CoinStar.
12:25: BIG FISH OMAIGOD *runs out of bank*
12:26: *converses with and names fish*
12:28: If I don't get a pet fish soon I will eat myself.
1:10: Waiting for our Genki order. I has a Flounder. (omaigod)
1:28: ZombieSlayer needs to stall Hamburglar.
(We get the sushi, Hamburglar's little sister, Little Ham, picks us up and drops us off at the apartment. We set up in AN AMAZINGLY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, and then we have reservations at a tea joint in Kailua that Hamburglar wanted to go to really badly.)
2:42: Holy crap. Our reservations are for 3 and we're not even on the road yet.
3:42: Ham's brakes failed. Balls. Goodyear sucks hard cock. They wouldn't take us and call their guy back even though he JUST LEFT. God bless LionDancer. (Minor note: The guy hadn't left yet. Katana and Hamburglar talked to him personally and he was shocked at the way we were treated. They were just being bitches. We took Cloud to another guy.)
4:24: We went to CPK. And we are stressed. Fuck Goodyear. I intend to leave them a strongly worded voice mail concerning our experience.
4:34: LionDancer is here! Funs to be had! (Shit, I'm hungry.)
4:39: Talking about Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Awkward feelings toward Narbes. Lulz.
4:47: Bread rules!
4:52: LionDancer asks if I am going to the bathroom. I tell her no, I'm going to blow the place up. When I get back (after grooving to the bathroom music) I tell them we have 30 minutes to bingo. Lulz.
4:59: There is baseball playing and NO ONE IS WATCHING. You know why? Because baseball sucks.
5:09: Yay, birthday sundae!
5:27: Driving back to the mechanic's. We are still awesome. FYI.
5:27.5: “You know what's not here anymore?” “DUNKIN DONUTS!”
6 – 7:39: Presents and festivities.
7:42: “I WISH I HAD A FLYING BISON! I would Yip-Yip this crap!”
8:00: There is no seating at Dave and Busters. What the eff.
8:05: I really want to play but I don't think everyone wants to sit with me for six hours while I obsessively roll the ball.
8:07: I hate waiting, though. Balls.
8:21: They seated other people of equal or greater parties. We're still here. (This is because we're white, isn't it?)
8:22: They just seated parties of Mel, Matt and Nat. OMAIGOD SUCCESSORZ! (This still sucks, though.) ZombieSlayer went to talk to them. No improvement.
8:37: We finally sat down but now we have no fucking waiter.
8:46: Snow Cone = Win. (Little Ham: “Dangerous.”)
9:04: Bull Buster. Hamburglar hates me now.
9:06: The cup smells like fermented cough syrup. (Hamburglar likes it.)
9:10: Purple People Eater.
9:11: It tastes like purple DEATH.
9:11.5: It tastes like a popsicle.
9:12: We like it!
9:14: “It's happy hour somewhere...” “It's an hour and I'm happy.”
9:17: “Everything's starting to swim, thank you, BEK!” (My drink had Jagermeister in it.)
9:22: “This was made in China. I can still read.”
9:23: “I think you said canumption.”
9:25: The Shizzle and the Orange Cream Cooler are here. We like the Shizzle. The Cooler is “all kinds of Red Bull.”
9:29: Katana wants me to take a picture of everything, and not just Hamburglar. I don't quite care. I'mma smack a nerd.
9:32: I snuck upstairs past a bachelor party (we are now pals and I think they will have problems today when they look at their pictures and go “...Who is this chick?” because they asked me to pose with them. They deserve it. No one brings a camera to a bachelor party.) but I don't think they have my game.
9:35: Huge military type dude omg.
9:38: I ran downstairs because this guy wouldn't leave me alone. He was clearly drunk so I told him to meet me at the slots. (D&B had no slots that I could see.)
9:42: The Lethal Weapons. Little Ham is mean.
9:43: The Big TNT. Hrrrmmm. (The Lethal Weapon is nice, apparently. Like cinnamon.)
9:45: Hamburglar, Katana and A. are each going to do a Lethal Weapon. Katana has a happy.
9:47: The TNT tastes like... tea?
9:48: Hamburglar should not make any sudden movements. We are testing our fine motor skills by texting Facebook. Results are humorous.
9:50: The curfew is almost up. Hamburglar doesn't think she can walk to the car. But she is happy.
9:56: Hamburglar's hands are numb. YAY TOTAL DRUNKNESS!
10:00: Lean back.
10:02: It's past curfew and we're bad. Hamburglar has no water and she is le sad.
10:03: Katana gave Hamburglar water and she is le happy.
10:08: I can tell I'm happy because I'm dancing to hip hop. And also, Hamburglar is too drunk to eat her birthday brownie.
10:16: Scooby Snack. Katana downed it in half a second.
Those were the minutes of Hamburglar's birthday party. Her sister, Little Ham, flew in from Maui (not very far, bee-tee-dub) to spend it with her. We had a surprise party, and lots of festival crap. Etc. Because Katana makes a big deal out of everyone's birthday, I'm worried because I could care less about my birthday, and I don't like people making a big deal. But if I don't tell her anything I want to do, a big deal will be made. Argh.
EPILOGUE:
We went to pick up the car today, and the guy inflated her tires and changed her oil for no additional cost—which is good, because his labor price was seriously inflated but we couldn't go anywhere else because Goodyear is a bitch and we couldn't go home because we would have to go on the highway and she was driving with her emergency brake.
Then we went to Jack in the Box. Yay.
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