Ye Olde Pretzel Tale

This is the tale of the pretzel M&M. It is a tale of despair. It is a tale of triumph.

So, right around the time that the M&M pretzels commercials came out, Hamburglar and I got very excited. We really wanted the pretzel M&Ms. So we set out to find them.

They were never in the displays.

Ever.

We checked, every time we went to a store that had candy.

(Pause, on my end, to hear a note from Sister Drama.)

I saw the bags on two occasions.

Once, when I was sick, I went to Long's for cough drops and Altoids and didn't have the cash moneys for anything else, but I saw a bag. And I got excited. But then I was sad. And I had to leave.

I saw them the second time at Safeway, but it was a nine dollar party bag. And I had to leave it.

Over the next few weeks, we checked Wal Mart, every Long's in Waikiki, and they were never there. And we were sad.

But today... we found them.

We found them in the Kahala Long's. Right where I saw them before but hadn't seen them since.

And they are magnificent. They are everything I ever hoped for.

AND THEY ARE NOT THE SAME AS CHOCOLATE-COVERED PRETZELS, OH MY GOD! I WILL SHANK ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

They are the Twinkie to my Tallahassee. The Helen to my Paris. And I love them so hard. I will never again need a man (or a woman) in my life if they make these a permanent item on the M&Ms menu.

P.S. What the hell is up with Sister Drama? Why do people act like everything they say is okay?

P.P.S. I say this after I commit to a hard chocolate candy.