Dangers of the Ala Wai

THERE ARE FISH IN THE ALA WAI.

[/end hysteria]

Our apartment is on Ala Wai Boulevard, directly across from the, you guessed it, Ala Wai canal. The Ala Wai is roughly sixty feet wide and feeds right into the ocean—even though I can't really see where it opens into the ocean. Some day. Some day.

Every day there are kayaks, row teams (different from kayaks in that there are about six-eight people on board and it's balanced by this thing on one side) and the occasional lazy motorboat. People seem to like the Ala Wai canal.



Here's a few facts about the Ala Wai, for those who are unaware:
1)It is pollution central. Disgustingly so. I don't walk by it because I fear I'll fall in and turn into the Joker... and while that would be cool, I know from past Halloween experiences that I can't pull off green hair.
2)Animals won't drink from it. That should tell you something.
3)The water is NEVER clear. It's always brown, or a weird green-brown that looks like something not-quite-nice.
4)Jellyfish go through it every once and a while. But jellyfish are immune to everything but urine... which is really a cause for concern in the Ala Wai. It didn't get that color from dirt.

Why would anyone, ANYONE, want to be around this water? I am literally at a loss. I have no idea. That aside, why would FISH want to be in this water? Five more minutes and those fish will become BIONIC MUTANTS, taking over Hawaii and overturning it in fire, water and Japanese people.

I'm not even kidding.

Twenty years from now, I can go back, edit this and add “True story.”

Film Disappointments

Movies I hate hearing about:
Twilight (unless it's to bash)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief -NEW-
The Last Airbender -NEW-

Movies I hear about on a daily basis:
Twilight (and not to bash)
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief -NEW-
The Last Airbender -NEW-

Except for Twilight, 97% of the feedback I hear for the above films is negative... and I haven't even seen them. I'm all for film-bashing where film-bashing is due, but when you haven't even seen the film, it gets a little old... and more than a little annoying. So I become the nod-and-smiler of the group.

Person 1: “They COMPLETELY RUINED the story! Clarissa and Anna Beth WERE THE SAME PERSON!”
Person 2: “I know...”
Me: “*nods and smiles*”

Person 1: “There was NO STORY! No ROOM FOR CHARACTER GROWTH!”
Person 2: “I thought the voice was very similar to the original.”
Person 1: “Are you STUPID?!”
Me: “*nods and smiles*”
Person 1: “Why are you smiling? It's not funny.”

Waste-of-Space-Person: “Why don't the Twilight actors show emotions?”
Me: “You're just noticing this NOW?!”

Yeah. I can go on for hours about Twilight. I could have my own stand-up comedienne show about Twilight and it's many short-comings. I strongly suspect that Greasy McNoBath and Slutty McDeadEyes are doing this on purpose... just to make me happy. I really think this. There's no other explanation for why their performance is so awful.

No, I lied. There's another explanation: They are bad actors.

My own personal book-to-movie horror story involves Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, which, sadly, became The Secret of NIMH, featuring magic and crap.

“?!!!” said child-me.

Still difficult to retell. Here: have a funny.

Espresso Drunk

After about sixteen MILLION MINUTES of being pissed off at Germans in general, I decide to drown myself in espresso-induced happiness, compliments of Narbes (AKA, Barnes & Noble) Cafe. Story as follows:

10:04 AM: Receive e-mail from aforementioned German jackass. German Jackass inquires after my mental stability and requests immediate access to MY LIFE.

10:05 AM: I lol.

10:13 AM: German Jackass informs me that he is TheOnlyGuyYouCouldStandToBeWithForAnExtendedPeriodOfTime." I lol again, but then decide to get pissed off.

10:23 AM: Argument escalates to me inviting him to "come over here and stop me".

10:27 AM: He replies with one word: "Fine."

10:28 AM: Fuck.

Skip to Narbes, pre-espresso. I am now FULL-ON pissed off. For no apparent reason. he can't find me here because I'm not giving him my address. I get my usual (venti zen tea, sweetened; mercifully, ZenTea makes it and not DeadEyes.). But I'm still mad. I come upon the ultimate solution:

3:18 PM: Bek "I'm never dating anyone from anywhere East of France ever again. EVER."

Five espresso shots later: I AM A GOD.

One espresso shot after that: Katana suggests I apply to places in the mall.

I lol.

Applying to jobs in that state of mind (i.e., everything is funny, everyone is funny, and I'm imitating the lipsmacker next to me because even THAT is funny to me) would be nothing short of suicidal. I would instantly be labeled as unemployable.

I inform her of this. I also let her know that, worse comes to worse, I'll do porn.

I think I was serious.

4:09 PM: I decide maybe we shouldn't go drinking on my 21st (What?! you exclaim, She hasn't drank before? No, asshole; I'm not my sister.). I still want to, but I want to go on record saying that I think it might be a bad idea. If I'm this crazed on espresso, imagine how I would be on alcohol. Shit will EXPLODE.

I'm still going drinking on my 21st, though.

5:01 PM: Someone is using a highchair as a laptop table. I have informed him of his awesomeness.

Katana thinks it's not allowed.

I know. But it's still AWESOME.

A special note: This retelling is not accurate. Next time, I'll bring my notebook and record everything. It's really difficult to explain just HOW CRAZY I was (and why Katana says I am cut off from espresso for at least a month. She didn't actually say a month, but I've decided I'm only banned until my next bad mood.) without exact minutes.

Next time. Next time.

INCOMING!

Yeah. So I still have a blog, apparently.

There's a certain anonymity to writing blogs. Whether or not people read it is not decided by me. I just write it. Kind of like a book, but with books you are inviting others to read, and I'm not really doing that with a blog. The blog is just for thoughts I doubt other people would read. At least, not people I know... or the people concerned therein.

I kicked a car today 8D because I was in the cross walk, I had the right of way and they still tried to run me down. I'm 98% sure they were tourists trying to pretend like they weren't tourists and 2% sure they are just regular tourists. Anyway, I got pissed, because I was pissed, and kicked their grill and shouted “Dude! Right of fucking way!” to which they said “....Oh. We didn't have – Are you okay?”

Because, clearly, when someone kicks your grill, the correct reaction is to inquire after their wellbeing.

After reassuring the nice assholes that I was just fine and dandy, I walked off. As an afterthought, I added that I didn't dent their car.

I wasn't wear the right shoes. I could dent a car, if I was wearing the right shoes (read: combat and/or stilettos) but I was wearing my walking shoes because I was walking to the ABC corner store.

Sidebar: WTF is up with zippos that have tits on them? It's so... awful that I actually kind of want one. And I don't even smoke, or use zippos.

P.S. When you look up "sycophancy" in Wikipedia, "Yes Man" is listed as a result.

I hope that this year I can do things I have never done before.
I hope that I will overcome my social awkwardness and make friends.
I hope that I will stick to my diet, regardless of whether or not I'll be wearing a bikini this summer.
I hope that I will buy my own car.
I hope that I will have my own apartment, and be able to support myself.
I hope that, if I have to, I can find someone who would be a good roommate if I need some help.
I hope that I can afford to go on vacation myself.
I hope that I can go to Florida.
I hope that I can spend one whole month where I do nothing but write.
I hope to learn at least one more foreign language.
I hope to make a scrapbook.
I hope to paint more.

One down. Of course, naturally, many of these things are only applicable to the end of the year. On New Years Eve, I'm going to just review what I've done.

Inevitably, the scrapbook is the better bet for recording such findings, as I update that more often than this blog. This is just for random thoughts that no one will read (?).

In other news, DIM rocks my world and I just ordered the limited-edition, first press of their next single. It is my sister's birthday on the 30th (I think) and I got her an autographed Guren pamphlet.

I don't envy everyone else in the room with their presents when I hand that over.

Twilight

Let’s clarify here, for a moment. If you walked into any book store three years ago, chances were that you were going to hit a Twilight fan. Fans sat outside stores as late as 1 AM waiting for the newly released books. The books soared in popularity – with preteens.

Middle schoolers and high school freshmen are the big-buyers for the Twilight novels, and are the sole reason the movie Twilight gained such quick popularity for such little effort from its actors. Deadpan performances and little personality plagued the film, and talent gave way to a focus toward creepy, vampire vibes.

Yet the preteen girls who dragged their families to the film are the reason to blame for Kirsten Stewart and Company becoming “A-Listers”. You put any one of their faces on a magazine, and the magazine will sell out. Why? Because of the preteens.

Fact: Having a bunch of twelve year old girls buy out your movie on pure devotion to the albeit awful books it is based on, does not make you an A-Lister. It does not even make you a good actor.

So the next time I see Kirsten Stewart listed as this super popular actress, rather than someone who acts like an early version of Avril Lavigne and dresses like her fans, I will burn the magazine in a pit of tar and swear to Satan that rabid dogs will eventually feast on her special place.

Wer zu Lebceit gut auf Erden?

Who in their lifetime is good on earth?

In playing a game, somehow I become a power player. The characters I portray, take over the game. In the past, I have found an almost exotic balance of good vs. evil, with myself in the evil. I play the game's shadow, when someone else is the sunlight.

If this game can't find it's sunlight, then it isn't my problem, and don't blame me because your character can't overtake the came like mine.

I'm not afraid to be the bad guy, and I'm not afraid to write disgusting, unethical things. I'm not afraid to have my character perform abortions, and kill unborn infants, to make his point. I'm not afraid, and you are. You go through everything wearing kit gloves, and I create a destructive force.

I love it. You hate it. But I'm the one having fun. You could have fun, but you won't, because "the game is going to hell". Why don't you just come out and say it? Why not just say that allowing me back into the game, has ruined it beyond repair?

Just say it.

It can always be bothersome when you talk about something with someone and then it comes true. Like people committing too quickly. It's driving me up the wall, onto the ceiling to cling to the ceiling fan. Like, let's build up to that, ok, not plan our future and/or wedding in the first week. Like, maybe I don't want to move to Canada or California for your career. Like, maybe I don't want to think about my future right now.

Telling people "this is the first time I've been in love", "she makes me feel so safe and secure and I have so much faith in her" ... maybe I just process things slower, or maybe it's that we were friends for too long, and saying "I like you, too" to "I like you" was too spur-of-the-moment. Like going shopping and seeing a pair of shoes you really wanted. "Oh, well, while it's here and available."

Yet I don't know how to break it off and stay friends.

BLAST - rose

Things I'll never say:

1: I kind of want you all to myself, so I hate hearing about your social life.

2: For the love of GOD, just shut up, please. We do not have any interest in what you say, we never will have any interest in what you say until you grow up, you dependent, self-absorbed, immature, age-confused misogynistic jerk.

4: I want you to focus on me, notice me and subside on me, because I have always been here.

6: One of these days, I'm just going to bite pieces out of your skull, rather than out of my hand or my lip.

7: I'm scared to death that one of these days, you'll realize I'm a deadbeat friend, and leave me. That would kill me and I don't know how I'd pick up the pieces.

8: You need a sense of humor.

9: This one time, I was walking through CS and you were walking toward me with your neck locked back and your arms all stiff at your sides and I thought, "My god, he looks like an upsidedown bowling ball." I still can't shake off that mental image, and, frankly, I don't want to.

10: You have not seen how much I could "snitch" on you. You're only lucky I haven't gotten so completely fed up that I'm going to someone else. The number of things I could tell people about you... Lest you forget, I do listen to everything you say in the mornings, when the bosses aren't around.


And... that's all, I had to really strain for this actually. Ha ha!

Horoscopes

"Don't promise more than you can deliver unless you truly trust your feelings."

I don't normally hold with horoscopes, but this is mine and it's freakish, considering past events. It's like jumping, without a parachute and one rope. I can climb back up but once someone drops me, I let them drop.

So this either makes me a liar, a coward, or self-absorbed; in the end I'm inclined to believe it's self-preservation, but that doesn't really fall under any category. "Forever" is a long time to promise to care about someone, whether it be as friends or as lovers; that much is obvious. "Forever" has, more than once, proved to be too great of a commitment. Any commitment, actually, proves to be too much, because in the end I always want to save myself, and no one else. That's why I'm really shocked I am still friends with Becca, that she hasn't run away screaming.

Honestly, if she would go lesbian, I would probably marry her. Probably no one else can deal with me this long and survive.

Or I could cross-dress.

Instances in life can take a toll on such decisions (staying around someone, not cross-dressing). You skateboard down stairs and people will call you insane, even as they wish they had been able to do that. As a child, you're fascinated with your parents' ability to drive. Some people can play pranks that you wouldn't dare attempt. Or, in an instance this evening, you could drive with your head hanging out of the car window like the Joker, as I have done.

Watching The Dark Knight always leaves me with mixed feelings. One is the druglike glee that comes from watching an amazing movie. The other is this ache of knowing that Heath Ledger is dead. You don't want to care, but at the same time you have to. It's an amazing movie, and I love it, and I enjoy it while I watch it, but I can't sit the ending without feeling like I want to cry.

Enough sentimentality. I have frog stickers on my lap top. They are amazing.

Hakuna Matata

People generally say "I'm an open-minded person... but I hate ____". Like that makes a difference to anyone but your conscious. Whenever I hear someone say anything along those lines, I'm always reminded of the Peanuts comic where Linus says to Lucy, "I love mankind! It's people I can't stand."

I'm not an open-minded person; I don't mind transvestites, and I don't mind lesbians or gay men, and I don't care if you're into bondage or being dressed up as a pink bunny during sex, but I hate people who are opposed to such things for no apparent reason other than, "It's not something I understand". Segregating another human being because of something you don't understand is one of the fundamental elements of a close-minded person. So I don't call myself open-minded or close-minded. I'm more... partially-open-for-business-no-solicitors-minded.