Who is this irresistible creature who has an insatiable love for the dead?

Things New With Beka:

1 – Webkinz. I love Webkinz. I have a lot. I like playing with them, buying and decorating their little rooms and I don't care if it's for little kids; I enjoy it. I don't actually play with the stuffed animals, but I do keep them sort of on display in my room.

2 – Rob Zombie. This is not new by any stretch of the imagination, but I love Rob Zombie and recently my Pandora has been playing a lot of him, Breaking Benjamin, Sick Puppies, Staind, Disturbed and A Day To Remember. (Which is odd, considering the station is called “Paramore.”) I would like one day to remake the Living Dead Girl music video. Because it is awesome. It is also much easier to write serial killer novels with Rob Zombie playing. Now if only I could convince Pandora to give me more Slipknot. I got Before I Forget the other day and was freaking thrilled (also got alice nine. and had a mini seizure.)

3 – Peppermint Hot Chocolates. Tastes like mint chocolate chip ice cream. Nuff said.

4 – BeccaTwoC. I LOVES ME SOME BECCA. Becca got an internship thingy, by the way. She's editing crap or something. I didn't really listen because she was very excited and for some reason her excitement turns into jammers in my head (it's a word, google that shit). Not that I don't care. Because I do. I'm just not exactly sure what's going on.

5 – Criminal Minds. It's everything I ever wanted in a show. Except it has less forensics. Criminal Minds and Bones should do a crossover episode. It would be freaking awesome.

I would also like to put this out there: I hate rain. I hate driving in it, I hate walking in it and I hate working knowing that outside is wet. The only thing I like about it is that it can't be sunny and raining at the same time. Except at my bus stop. For some reason, it can be extremely sunny there, and still rainy. That's absolutely ridiculous and I would like to lodge a formal complaint.


Dear God,

Please make up your mind about the weather conditions of my bus stop. You are fucking with my head and I do not approve. Cut the crap and give us a solid choice.

Sincerely,

A Dissatisfied Customer.


Also, what the fuck is up with customers not handing you change? I can understand if I step away from the counter after giving you your total, to pour you a cup of coffee or something; you can set it down then. I am not unreasonable in that way. But if I am holding out my hand and you smack the money on the counter, I'm going to smack your change down on the counter, too, assuming that that is how you want your funds handled. (And, since our counter is for tips, I will assume that your change is a tip and keep my $18.68, thank you very much.)

STOP.
…
Papercut time.
*jams*

Espresso Drunk

After about sixteen MILLION MINUTES of being pissed off at Germans in general, I decide to drown myself in espresso-induced happiness, compliments of Narbes (AKA, Barnes & Noble) Cafe. Story as follows:

10:04 AM: Receive e-mail from aforementioned German jackass. German Jackass inquires after my mental stability and requests immediate access to MY LIFE.

10:05 AM: I lol.

10:13 AM: German Jackass informs me that he is TheOnlyGuyYouCouldStandToBeWithForAnExtendedPeriodOfTime." I lol again, but then decide to get pissed off.

10:23 AM: Argument escalates to me inviting him to "come over here and stop me".

10:27 AM: He replies with one word: "Fine."

10:28 AM: Fuck.

Skip to Narbes, pre-espresso. I am now FULL-ON pissed off. For no apparent reason. he can't find me here because I'm not giving him my address. I get my usual (venti zen tea, sweetened; mercifully, ZenTea makes it and not DeadEyes.). But I'm still mad. I come upon the ultimate solution:

3:18 PM: Bek "I'm never dating anyone from anywhere East of France ever again. EVER."

Five espresso shots later: I AM A GOD.

One espresso shot after that: Katana suggests I apply to places in the mall.

I lol.

Applying to jobs in that state of mind (i.e., everything is funny, everyone is funny, and I'm imitating the lipsmacker next to me because even THAT is funny to me) would be nothing short of suicidal. I would instantly be labeled as unemployable.

I inform her of this. I also let her know that, worse comes to worse, I'll do porn.

I think I was serious.

4:09 PM: I decide maybe we shouldn't go drinking on my 21st (What?! you exclaim, She hasn't drank before? No, asshole; I'm not my sister.). I still want to, but I want to go on record saying that I think it might be a bad idea. If I'm this crazed on espresso, imagine how I would be on alcohol. Shit will EXPLODE.

I'm still going drinking on my 21st, though.

5:01 PM: Someone is using a highchair as a laptop table. I have informed him of his awesomeness.

Katana thinks it's not allowed.

I know. But it's still AWESOME.

A special note: This retelling is not accurate. Next time, I'll bring my notebook and record everything. It's really difficult to explain just HOW CRAZY I was (and why Katana says I am cut off from espresso for at least a month. She didn't actually say a month, but I've decided I'm only banned until my next bad mood.) without exact minutes.

Next time. Next time.