Things I'll never say:

1: I kind of want you all to myself, so I hate hearing about your social life.

2: For the love of GOD, just shut up, please. We do not have any interest in what you say, we never will have any interest in what you say until you grow up, you dependent, self-absorbed, immature, age-confused misogynistic jerk.

4: I want you to focus on me, notice me and subside on me, because I have always been here.

6: One of these days, I'm just going to bite pieces out of your skull, rather than out of my hand or my lip.

7: I'm scared to death that one of these days, you'll realize I'm a deadbeat friend, and leave me. That would kill me and I don't know how I'd pick up the pieces.

8: You need a sense of humor.

9: This one time, I was walking through CS and you were walking toward me with your neck locked back and your arms all stiff at your sides and I thought, "My god, he looks like an upsidedown bowling ball." I still can't shake off that mental image, and, frankly, I don't want to.

10: You have not seen how much I could "snitch" on you. You're only lucky I haven't gotten so completely fed up that I'm going to someone else. The number of things I could tell people about you... Lest you forget, I do listen to everything you say in the mornings, when the bosses aren't around.


And... that's all, I had to really strain for this actually. Ha ha!

Horoscopes

"Don't promise more than you can deliver unless you truly trust your feelings."

I don't normally hold with horoscopes, but this is mine and it's freakish, considering past events. It's like jumping, without a parachute and one rope. I can climb back up but once someone drops me, I let them drop.

So this either makes me a liar, a coward, or self-absorbed; in the end I'm inclined to believe it's self-preservation, but that doesn't really fall under any category. "Forever" is a long time to promise to care about someone, whether it be as friends or as lovers; that much is obvious. "Forever" has, more than once, proved to be too great of a commitment. Any commitment, actually, proves to be too much, because in the end I always want to save myself, and no one else. That's why I'm really shocked I am still friends with Becca, that she hasn't run away screaming.

Honestly, if she would go lesbian, I would probably marry her. Probably no one else can deal with me this long and survive.

Or I could cross-dress.

Instances in life can take a toll on such decisions (staying around someone, not cross-dressing). You skateboard down stairs and people will call you insane, even as they wish they had been able to do that. As a child, you're fascinated with your parents' ability to drive. Some people can play pranks that you wouldn't dare attempt. Or, in an instance this evening, you could drive with your head hanging out of the car window like the Joker, as I have done.

Watching The Dark Knight always leaves me with mixed feelings. One is the druglike glee that comes from watching an amazing movie. The other is this ache of knowing that Heath Ledger is dead. You don't want to care, but at the same time you have to. It's an amazing movie, and I love it, and I enjoy it while I watch it, but I can't sit the ending without feeling like I want to cry.

Enough sentimentality. I have frog stickers on my lap top. They are amazing.

Hakuna Matata

People generally say "I'm an open-minded person... but I hate ____". Like that makes a difference to anyone but your conscious. Whenever I hear someone say anything along those lines, I'm always reminded of the Peanuts comic where Linus says to Lucy, "I love mankind! It's people I can't stand."

I'm not an open-minded person; I don't mind transvestites, and I don't mind lesbians or gay men, and I don't care if you're into bondage or being dressed up as a pink bunny during sex, but I hate people who are opposed to such things for no apparent reason other than, "It's not something I understand". Segregating another human being because of something you don't understand is one of the fundamental elements of a close-minded person. So I don't call myself open-minded or close-minded. I'm more... partially-open-for-business-no-solicitors-minded.